Yesterday my 18 year old daughter came in and said, mommy, I'm moving out.  I new it could happen at any time but I guess I just didn't want to think about it.  It really floored me.  I told her I would not support it and told her the car would not go with her.  She agreed sweetly.  I then told her the computer we got for her on her birthday that she would have to leave here.  She said, that was a present mom and it would be like being an Indian giver.  I agreed with that but told her no furniture.  She agreed to that also.  I told her when she went out the door, my responsibilities would be over.  She would be responcible for her own food, clothing, rent, laundry, soap, everything.  She said she new that.  With every obstacle I put in front of her she took calmly.  She said mom I'll have you and dad over for dinner.  I just stood there and said uh huh.  She said, Mom I'll still come over and help you in the yard.  I said, sure.  I said promise me you will go to college this fall like we planned.  She said you all are still going to pay for my college aren't you?  I said that all depends.  It depends on you doing the right thing and making good decisions.  I asked her how much money have you got.  She said, $5.  with a gentle smile.  I said, we won't help.  Part of being responcible is making plans and doing it in steps.  Most people save up to move out on their own.  I'm going to look for a job tomorrow mom and I'll call you and let you know what happens.  I said Kayla, when you walk out that door you don't have to call me and check in, you've made this decision and I don't want to know when your out late as I will set here and worry.  She started to cry and said you don't want to know what I'm doing?  I said, of course I want to know but its different now.  You don't have to call and tell me where your at.  She said,  I'll call just to chat mom and I'll come over sometimes to visit and we can watch movies sometimes.  I said, sure.  She went back to her room and I wanted to find a whole to crawl in and die.  I wondered around the house and eyed a room and realized that there was no hiding or running from my feelings.  So I went back to her room and told her friend to leave for a minute.  I walked over to her and hugged her and said I love you.  We stood there and held each other and then I went slowly out of the room.  She and a friend carried her boxes out one by one.  I picked up a load of dirty clothes of hers and laid them on the floor and told her not to forget them, they would be her first load on her own.  I walked her out and waved good bye in the driveway and then came into my bedroom and cried.  Flashes of her as a little girl went through my head.  Her and I walking on a path we use to take walks on all the time and her and I holding hands.  She would tug on my arm and say, mommy don't sing.  I would say ok and then forget and start singing again then she would repeat mommy don't sing.  When she was a baby she would thunk her heal on her mattress.  She would thunk once, then twice and then if you didn't respond three times.  If you didn't come to her after the third she would really cry.  Thunking was her signal for food or diaper change. 

     Children bring so much to us.  They come into our lives and fill us with wonder, love, worry, laughter, pain and work and then we have to set them free.  Looking on the internet for a book that my daughter Jamie recommended,  The secret.  It was like providence that this quote came up.     

There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life--- happiness, freedom and peace of mind----are always attained by giving them to someone else.  By:Peyton Conway March

 

So my dear daughter,  I set you free to obtain happiness and peace of mind and I might even give you your car back.  we'll see.